Overexcitable

Sad news today - a gifted, wacky, and wonderful woman has taken her own life. I knew her through one of the many listservs that provide a true community for gifted people regardless of their physical location. A gifted advocate and educator, wife, and mother, to name just a few of her roles, Ange will be missed by the many people whose lives she touched all over the world.

It is really incredible that so much love and joy can be gone in an instant. I don't believe she has disappeared but it sure feels that way at the moment. Although evidence is inconclusive, my intuition tells me that gifted people are more likely to suffer from depression, and much better at hiding the severity of their symptoms, than the general population.

I think the best way to remember her is to continue her work of giving gifted kids the support they need - she was planning an online school for them, including chat rooms and lots of other resources. I hope this project does not die with her and I will offer my assistance in any way I can. I will continue to create my own brand of support and keep showing up for gifted issues.

Technorati tags: gifted suicide
Ange

The last 10 days have been low-work days for me because of major distractions here at home - guys laying a path right outside my window, my boyfriend staying home from work, under-fives playing drums on the floor above, and internal resistance to making sales calls. However it is amazing how much one can get done in brief bursts of concentrated effort. Actually I think I am more suited to this method of working - doing about 6 things for 10 minutes at a time each, repeat cycle as necessary. Is this multitasking, or perhaps a way for me to keep myself entertained as I do stuff that isn't very exciting? I'm going with the last option as it makes me sound more like a Renaissance Woman. Also it makes me sound smart rather than scatterbrained or easily distractable.

Interesting that I'm now judging my perceptions in terms of all the reading I've been doing about giftedness and its characteristics. For example, many researchers have identified "hyperfocus", "task commitment", and "rage to master" in gifted people. Doesn't seem to be that way for me at all. It's more like, wait until I can't bear the internal pressure to get it done, then make a great effort and do it as fast as possible. That's why I lurve my CRM software that basically keeps beeping at me until I complete the tasks I've assigned myself. It's like an electronic superego.

Technorati tags: gifted hyperfocus
CRM

I have found a coherent explanation for why I cannot create a coherent explanation of what I need to say! Those in the know (mystics down the ages), according to Ken Wilber's painstaking analysis in The Spectrum of Consciousness, sum it up in various ways, but my favourite one is "Those who know do not speak; those who speak do not know" (Taoist). As I understand it, Wilber points out that in order to codify an experience one must assume a dualistic subject-object position. In the case of the experience that I am trying to describe, this is impossible because any symbolism denies the opposite of that symbol, and it's an all-inclusive type experience.

So what to do? How can I communicate? Why do I feel so strongly that it is necessary to communicate this? I think it's because there was no peace for me until I found it. No peace, and no desire to do anything but find peace for myself. I tried to find it so many other ways, but until I got there it was impossible to put my gifts in action to help others. Perhaps everyone needs to reach their potential within before they can start giving to the outside. Is it possible for everyone to get where I am, or do people have maximums? Is this my maximum or is there more? More questions.

One thing I know is that once someone has felt this same drive, they will need me or someone like me to resonate and rail against as they walk their path. I looked and looked for my own foil and could not progress until I found it. No book or training program or religion or distraction could do what being with someone who has had these types of experiences has done.

So I come to the essential problem. How do I reach those who seek me without being able to articulate what I can offer them? What is required here is a new marketing strategy, offering and selling the benefits of development. Perhaps those can be clearly articulated? Another quest....

Technorati tags: peace self actualization

This is a nice little word meaning existing everywhere; when therapists use it they are usually talking about one of the benefits of group therapy, namely "Jeepers! I'm not the only person in the world who thinks/behaves/feels like this!" I had a universality experience today reading about storytelling in a declining language. A teller was trying to translate a story into English but found that there weren't any English words to describe some of the integral concepts. Yes! There *are* things other people can't find the words for too! Yay!

And yet not yay, because this means I'm going to have to figure this out by myself, and I was hoping to stand on someone's shoulders. Well, there's a huge contribution to humanity just begging to be made! How thrilling. Let's get started. Errr....

Technorati tags: translation

Finally realized with my few remaining brain cells and major space-shifting from my mentor why I love stories so much. I've known for a long time that I have a bad case of narrative greed, and all the reading I've been doing on Jung makes complete sense in this context. My brain is trying to make connections with all of its possible resources, and it seems that since the very beginning we have been hard-wired to use stories to understand our world. I now think that we cannot grow without a foundation, some kind of a dynamic system, and that resonance is found only in others or in a living story.

Ever since I lifted up my head a few hours after birth to get a look at the world, I've been desperately trying to make sense of it. This has led to all kinds of inquiry, spiritual, social, intellectual, philosophical, and paeleoanthropological. Good stories encompass all of these disciplines, and many more. I don't know how to describe these things in words - English is my first and best language, and I've never met an experience I couldn't codify with it before. It's a fascinating challenge to try and write about something I literally have no words for.

Technorati tags: story

Met an awesome woman in the gym yesterday who is very inspiring. Despite being several feet older than most other gym members, she's in there every day, pumping iron and smiling at everyone. Today she was in the step class that almost killed me. I was sweating more than I have in my life, and I started to get light-headed and fall off the step, and there she is marching away like it's a refreshing stroll through the botanical gardens.

So my message for the day, dear friends, is that if you want to know if it's really possible to change your life, do that thing you hardly believe you can, and get what you want, just look around you. Chances are there's someone awesome right in front of you to copy until you find your own groove. Go Doris!

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Having a party tonight. Every time I do this I have to hold myself back from buying enough food for 100 people and an entire liquor store. As it is, I always buy way too much but comfort myself with alcohol and the thought of not having to go to the grocery store for ages. I love the busyness of getting everything ready but I've hit a snag. I'm right in the middle of a great book and I don't want to put it down! It's causing a bit of stress as I really wanted to make a strawberry shortcake as a surprise for the honoured guest (our neighbour who's leaving on Monday). How will I motivate myself now, huh?!

Just remembered I bought enough beer for me to have one whilst I'm figuring it out. Excuse me....

Technorati tags: strawberry shortcake

Last couple of days have been tough - going through PMS and a bit of a confidence crisis. The need is so huge and I am one tiny person - can I really make a difference? What is it that I need to do to make the greatest impact? Can I handle the responsibility? Argh!

But I just had a session with my coach and we worked with such a great image - being surrounded by all the people whose lives I will touch with my work, feeling their energy and joy and support. I *love* this, it makes me feel like I can do anything! Coaching rules when the relationship is right.

Technorati tags: PMS coaching
confidence

I am sick over a minor spat with my boyfriend this morning. These emotional overexcitabilities are driving me nuts - I'm running a business! I don't have time for all this! It's so circular, though, 'cos I'm running this business 'cos other people need appropriate care for their overexcitabilities, and I wouldn't have a clue about that unless I had them myself, so I'm glad I have them, so I can make the world a better place for gifted people. I suppose. Why me? Because it is me, for some reason that I can't pretend to understand. This is the work I've been assigned by the universe.

It's one of those days when all I want to do is hide under a pile of clean laundry and pretend I'm six again. I am afraid to do anything when I'm in this mood. So I called my buddy and she's there for me as always, I can't recommend the buddy strategy enough. Find someone who's going through the same thing and support each other through the bad days - and get yourself a great coach! Mine comes back from vacation tomorrow and I can't wait to talk to her again.

technorati tags: overexcitabilities coaching

I recently heard that an old friend has died from the effects of alcoholism. This has sent a shockwave through my world and I'm just starting to realize why.

As a coach, I support people who are working for the best life they can concieve of. I'm there as they work through the hard stuff, the fear and self-doubt, and celebrate their learnings and success. They learn the skills they need to keep moving ahead on their own, but they always know I'm there holding the space for them, calling them into their magnificence.

It's terribly hard to hear about people who never got there, spent their whole life trying to be happy the best way they knew how. They use something outside themself to find a splinter of the joy that's their birthright, and it just takes them further away from it. I suppose I've lost a fantasy that everyone always find peace in the end, before they die.

But how do I know what peace is, for anyone else? Maybe they find their own way, that's just as good, I have no ability to judge. What works for each individual is unique, and that's the lesson I think I am supposed to learn. Joy is personal and needs supporting no matter what it looks like, even if I don't understand how it contributes to a person's growth and happiness. The universe has a far larger plan and reach than I will ever comprehend. All I can do is become strong in my own way and trust that my strength is what my clients need to follow their own path.

technorati tags:coaching alcoholism death

I'm still a total sucker for Friday Nite=PAR-TAY! despite working at home, and theoretically being able to party any night I choose without consequence. Habits are so annoying yet at times very useful. I would not be able to drag myself to the gym if I had to make the decision to do so every day. Instead I've set up a routine and just follow it every morning like a mindless drone.

No wait, I don't mean that! It's freeing up the decision-making part of my conciousness for important things, reading great books like Teaching as a Subversive activity on the elliptical trainer, for instance. Or wondering how I construct my own reality as a function of the language I speak. Hmmm. Time for a beer, methinks. I'm certainly not raising any conciousness through this post.

Technorati tags: routine beer

I just had to share this with you - it's from an e-newsletter I get because I'm submitting to search engines, you can check it out at www.webpronews.com . No wonder I am not getting listed if this is any indication of their standards.

"Jim Pitkow at Moreover threw out some big statistics about search-based news. He said there were 12,000 international news sources producing 200,000 articles a day. They exist in 125 countries in 36 languages and in 380 catagories. Bloggers and press are separated distinctly. Moreover doesn't consider bloggers to be journalists necessarily. He said the press writes the news and the bloggers write opinions about news."

So news is not an opinion?! I will *not* let this get me down, I will not let this get me down, I will not....where are those cookies?

Technorati tags: SEO news

Emotional Intelligence of the Gifted

I’ve been thinking about EQ, or emotional intelligence, as people have been recommending that I do so! In Chapter 3 of Daniel Goleman’s popular book on the subject, Emotional Intelligence , he gives some examples of high IQ people who are not achieving the heights they were destined for. He says that “Academic intelligence has little to do with emotional life” and goes on to say “…people with with high IQs can be stunningly poor pilots of their private lives.” He believes that emotional intelligence and IQ are independent of each other. Goleman does a good job of showing that success comes to those who have an awareness of social rules and apply them in the dominant mode of their society. I think his observation that people with high IQ may have low emotional intelligence and therefore lower success is flawed. For starters, he defines success largely in social terms, a narrow band of achievement that gifted people may or may not choose to pursue.

I suggest that because the person with high IQ is actually hyper-aware their world, they are not receiving the same information about any given situation as someone within the normal range. Because of this, they will react differently. They are able to discern more complexity in any situation, and social situations are the most complex ...more

Technorati tags: gifted EQ
social skills

Sometimes summer is a very tough time to work. The whole world seems to be on vacation, every ad shows cool drinks and girls in bikinis, and the sun seems to suck motivation right out of me. Then, I'll give a session and feel just how much simply having a coach on side who understands makes a difference for gifted people. Or I'll have a session with my own coach, Lynne (www.livinginvision.com) and realize how much I need the accountability she gives me. Or I'll call someone about a workshop, and they'll get super-excited about what we can create together!

All of these things can get me back in touch with my mission again and give me the push I need to get moving. My business is not just a business, it's a calling, a purpose for being here that never goes away even when I ignore it in favour of a popsicle in the hammock under the shade of the lilac tree. That's how I know I'm doing the right thing.

Technorati tags: coaching accountability

It occurred to me last night that the Wonderbread/Pumpernickel metaphor could apply to anything, sex too. It's pretty easy for me to accept Wonderbread because I'm too scared to ask for Pumpernickel in *lots* of situations. Why does it still feel dangerous to ask for what I want/need? Why do I continue to put my needs last? It's a pretty strong program from somewhere!

But I am challenging it, and asking for Pumpernickel all over the place, because that is what I am asking my clients to do every day. I gotta walk the talk! It's very surprising what can happen when I do that, I certainly expand my world whenever I do it, no matter what the outcome.

Got some great tips from a seminar on how to get leads and sales, but I must have the Pumpernickel attitude to follow through and do something about it. So I'm emailing the scary people and printing the sales letter and just doing it. AAAAhhhhh!

Technorati tags: walk the talk

There are few things more wonderful to me than a great conversation. I love to talk, in fact that's one reason why I blog, as it gets some of the constant flow of ideas and observations out of my head and gives me room for new ones. Lucky, lucky, lucky you!

I had two great conversations today with gifted people and thoroughly enjoyed being able to ask for clarification and laugh over crazy things that just don't seem funny to anyone else. I asked about the communication thing, and for those following that thread of neurosis, it's been confirmed that it is in fact paranoia. Whew! But good to know, and will help on coaching calls, no doubt.

One thing that came up in both conversations was the frustration of seeing things that are invisible to others. The anger that comes from so rarely being able to be oneself around others. The resentment caused by understanding how things could be and keenly perceiving how far away from it we are.

Additionally, I'm reading about transference and naturally starting to wonder how much of me is looking for an arena to work out my own stuff about being a gifted adult in a non-gifted world. Need to spend time and thought on this - hopefully the book I'm reading on it will have some pointers - "Between Therapist and Client" by Michael Kahn.

Technorati tags: transference

Here's my take on gifted needs. It's a bit like the Wonderbread vs. Pumpernickel debate. Nothing wrong with Wonderbread - it's got added nutrients and it's a perfect vehicle for peanut butter and jam. It's cheap, and it appeals to almost everyone. You can eat a lot of it before you get full.

Pumpernickel is a bit trickier to handle, and it's strong and meaty - an acquired taste, and you can only pair it with toppings that will rise to the challenge. Not many people would choose it, given the option. For those who do, it gives great rewards in complex tastes, textures, and aromas. You don't need as much to satisfy your hunger.

Everyone needs bread. But if the gifted don't get pumpernickel, they know they are missing out on something that a limitless supply of Wonderbread will never be able to offer.

Technorati tags: gifted Wonderbread
pumpernickel