tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-144910122024-03-07T00:51:37.939-08:00OverexcitableWhy blog? Lofty aim: reduce prejudice against gifted/high IQ people by daily exposure to one such individual. Humble aim: stop annoying family and friends.jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.comBlogger173125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-9810535054949282762012-06-13T14:28:00.001-07:002012-06-13T14:28:39.922-07:00Nobody gets to be wrongIt's hard to overemphasize the numbing effect of perfectionism on my life. It is all too easy for me to simply avoid doing something that I haven't done before, rather than fail at it. Even with all my improv training, I am ridiculously attached to getting things right.<br />
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And it stops me, all the time, from creating and interacting with the world. So here is a self-acceptance exercise at work...an imperfect post...jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-6017335047260440202012-05-28T10:56:00.000-07:002012-05-28T10:56:18.797-07:00FeedbackAll people are social. Even introverts need to touch down in the real world in order to get supplies of physical, mental, and spiritual food. We need to know we are real, embodied, and human, and the only way to know this is through interaction with others.<br />
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Gifted people often feel that they are reaching towards something that others cannot touch. As most people are reasonably content with their status quo, they don't understand why dissatistfaction exists for a gifted person. They can only give input on the level of their personal satisfaction. This means while on the outside a gifted person may appear to have it made, or have clear "issues", the root cause inside may be a lack of clear feedback and communication about what is present at the deepest levels.<br />
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When you are gifted, it is critical to get feedback and validation at the developmental level you are working on. The only people who can provide that are people who have already been there. This is why, in order to embrace a gifted identity, gifted children and adults must be able to speak and hear and be with each other. The elders must demonstrate and model how to manage the many sensitivities and overexcitablities that can overwhelm a gifted child.<br />
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This is the safe and nuturing world of the school I am creating.jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-8138276791061188312012-05-16T09:10:00.000-07:002012-05-16T09:10:31.166-07:00HomecomingYes, I'm back! Not dead! What on earth can I say about it? And why now?<br />
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I just read a blog post <a href="http://journeytowildness.blogspot.ca/2012/05/this-is-me-writing-or-wait-is-it.html" target="_blank">here</a> and a light went on. I lost so much of myself in my now-dead marriage, and it's time to reclaim it. Luckily I have a stowaway son who reminds me daily that I'm still in here.<br />
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Anyway I'm going to settle in slowly, with my latest poem. Then I'll begin unpacking.<br />
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Bird Music<br />
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Listen to that bird sing <br />That bird be jammin<br />Rockin it out on the edge man<br />Singing like a mofo<br />Respecting the legends<br />Honouring the ancestors<br />In its own groove<br />Can't hear most of the genius<br />With my lame person-ears<br />My slow person-mind<br />And it's still platinum<br />What kind of music<br />Does that bird listen to<br />
<br />jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1155944585793292042006-08-18T16:14:00.000-07:002006-08-18T16:52:20.656-07:00Strange ConclusionsI was thrilled to read <a href="http://eideneurolearningblog.blogspot.com/2006/08/failure-to-wait-in-adhd-depends-more.html">this post</a> by the Drs. Eide about a reworking of the oft-quoted study where four-year-old children are given a choice. In the 1960s version, they were left alone in a room with a marshmallow, and told that they could have one marshmallow now, or wait 20 minutes and have two marshmallows. The conclusion usually drawn is that those children who chose not to wait have poor impulse control; and they examined their SATs at 18 and found that they scored lower. Here's the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deferred_gratification">wiki</a>, incomplete but better than nothing.<br /><br />Anyway this experiment and the conclusions drawn from it about impulse control and emotional intelligence have always bothered me. As a kid, I can quite easily see me not believing a strange adult in a white coat when they told me this story about getting two marshmallows - eventually. Or, believing that my ability to charm the second marshmallow out of them regardless of whether I ate the first or not would save the day. I actually didn't even like marshmallows as a kid, and most probably I would have just sat there with it for 20 minutes, perhaps seeing how small I could squish it or pretending it was an alien or using it as an ear plug. But eating it? Nah.<br /><br />Now I never took the SATs but I bet I would have screwed their curve right up, as a gifted kid with a huge imagination and an attitude to match. And I bet there are thousands more reasons why a four-year-old might decide to eat a marshmallow, or not, to do with their past experience of strange adults, or even experience with their own inconsistent parents or caregivers. There are plenty of ways to be in the world and most of them are "successful" by one standard or another. The issue here, I think, is which children were more suited to the standard systems and procedures, which involve standard motivations and actions, which are rewarded by standard tests like the SAT. I bet they never had a check-box for "Ate marshmallow. Had a twenty-minute tantrum, inducing mother to buy second marshmallow from research assistant."<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/marshmallow experiment" rel="tag">marshmallow experiment</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/emotional intelligence" rel="tag">emotional intelligence</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted" rel="tag">gifted</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1155318366112997992006-08-11T10:21:00.000-07:002006-08-11T10:49:34.036-07:00Moved to CalgaryThanks to Anonymous for pointing out that I haven't even mentioned my move to Calgary on this blog. There's a bit of a story to this....<br /><br />We decided to move to Calgary and we found a great place for the beginning of May. Now I have my own office in the basement which is great! We have a lot more house for our money here, and I'm loving this town. So why didn't I mention it?<br /><br />Regular readers of this blog will have noticed a big swatch of nothingness in April and May as we made our move. I felt completely discombobulated by the whole process and I didn't want that feeling to tinge my business. I had no idea how to handle telling people I was leaving the province while convincing them that I am willing to travel anywhere to give workshops. I still don't, although I love to travel - in fact I'm off to Minneapolis tomorrow to do just that.<br /><br />It seems like a trivial reason now, but what can I say, fear is always irrational. I have those business guru gremlins in my head who are whispering nonsense about stability and establishing a market presence and the value of predictabilty, and this time I listened. Thanks again to Anonymous for making me "come out". Beware listening to your fear!<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Calgary" rel="tag">Calgary</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gremlins" rel="tag">gremlins</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/fear" rel="tag">fear</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1155133974279761212006-08-09T07:28:00.000-07:002006-08-10T06:13:11.860-07:00New ProjectHey guys, guess what! I got a new gig!<br /><br />I'm going to be teaching communications part-time, on contract, at <a href="http://www.sait.ab.ca">SAIT</a> starting in a couple of weeks. This is extremely thrilling for many reasons, not least the impact it will have on my cash flow and my social circle here in Calgary.<br /><br />I am concerned, however, that there will be a whole segment of my experience that I probably shouldn't blog about if I want to keep the job. It's one of those big institutions that I assume has a policy about this kind of thing, and I don't want to get fired for talking about work in public like my dear bloggers <a href="http://www.dooce.com">Dooce</a> and <a href="http://www.megspohn.com">Meg</a>. I have railed against this unreasonable restriction on free speech <a href="http://overexcitable.blogspot.com/2006/01/blogetiquette.html">here</a>, but now that it might be my neck on the chopping block, I'm feeling a lot less brave.<br /><br />However, this fear does not extend to the way I'm going to teach these courses. I'm going to make this required first-year course a total blast and substantive learning experience for my students. Everything I have done so far in my business and life has been pointing toward this and it's shown up just in time to save me from having to go back to executive assistant work. I'm going to be able to continue building my coaching business and finish my book, because it's part time. And there's more than enough new work and new people to keep me interested!<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/SAIT" rel="tag">SAIT</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/communications" rel="tag">communications</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/challenge" rel="tag">challenge</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1154968589266053842006-08-07T09:24:00.000-07:002006-08-07T10:25:07.636-07:00SENG Conference - Part 4The last thing I simply must share with you was my experience of watching <a href="http://www.roeperconsultation.com/">Annemarie Roeper</a> give a presentation on the first evening. It was the most electric, real, and useful session of the whole conference.<br /><br />The topic was "Growing Old Gifted". There was a great anticipation of her speech because she has been highly influential in the field of gifted education, and shows no signs of stopping now. A tiny elderly lady dressed in white, she was introduced and the interview format began.<br /><br />Annemarie began to talk as she had planned but soon ditched her format and began to cry. She had just heard the news that she was to be a great-grandmother - that one of her granddaughters is pregnant. This overwhelmed her with emotions. She was profoundly grateful that she had been saved from the Nazis by the incredibly courageous actions of her late husband, and deeply touched that her family and work was allowed to flower in the US as a result. The happy news took her to unexpected memories and a tracing of connections in her life that had made it possible. A reasoned exposition of getting older as a gifted person became impossible - and unnecessary - as she explained to us why this event meant so much to her.<br /><br />It was the most beautiful thing to witness her presence and emotion - the reality of being gifted, the great sensitivity and deep feeling than so often occur in this population, leading to a keen awareness of the beauty and fragility of life. It was a rare example of someone exposing their giftedness and being extremely vulnerable in front of 400 people. It was true leadership.<br /><br />Afterwards, I thanked Annemarie for her session and she expressed her disappointment at her performance because she hadn't given any information about growing old gifted, as she had planned. As I said to her, that's why it was so incredibly valuable. She didn't tell us; she showed us.<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted" rel="tag">gifted</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/leadership" rel="tag">leadership</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Annemarie Roeper" rel="tag">Annemarie Roeper</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1154626121895635342006-08-03T10:28:00.000-07:002006-08-03T10:42:58.976-07:00Coaches coaching CoachesThanks to <a href="http://askmorris.blogspot.com/">Morris</a> for <a href="http://overexcitable.blogspot.com/2006/07/i-am-genius.html">asking</a> a great question. Why do coaches need coaches? Why can't coaches survive in the world without that kind of support?<br /><br />Sometimes people have this image of coaches, therapist, counsellors etc., as people who have all of their issues and problems sorted out. After all, they have been to school for this stuff, so they should be able to put it into practice in their own lives, right? Otherwise, perhaps they don't have any business telling others to do it!<br /><br />The truth is for me, and many other coaches, it is even harder to see what I am doing that is getting in my way precisely BECAUSE of my training. I can talk myself out of things incredibly well. Don't feel like going to the gym? It's self-care! Want to avoid making that difficult phone call? I'm just following my intuition - perhaps it's just not "meant to be"!<br /><br />I've warned my coach about my slippery behaviour and she holds my feet to the fire, holding me accountable, reminding me what I told her I wanted for myself. As I grow and get to doing even scarier and more difficult things, I need her support and encouragement to stay out on my learning edge. I feel that the best thing I can give my clients is the assurance that I, too, am constantly pushing myself to grow, and loving every second of it. I can only inspire that in my clients if I am doing it myself.<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/coaching" rel="tag">coaching</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/inspiration" rel="tag">inspiration</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1154446889965976192006-08-01T08:22:00.000-07:002006-08-01T08:44:24.176-07:00SENG Conference - Part 3So much is going on right now, but I really feel it's important to keep debriefing my SENG Conference experience in the background.<br /><br />One session I attended was given by Kimberly McGlonn-Nelson about meeting the social and emotional needs of gifted African-American girls. I learnt about things like the Video Ho culture and the incredibly pervasive nature of music video/video game stereotypes for young people. I was surprised to realize that I had a lot of assumptions about teenage culture, based on my own teen years, that are simply wrong for today's teens - and I am only 32. It was definitely an eye opener and I made sure to thank Kimberly at the end.<br /><br />The thing I appreciated most, however, was the frank nature of our discussion about race and minority. It is the first semi-public occasion I have had to learn about race in North America where I felt free to be honest and speak my mind, as others were clearly doing. Most of the time, whenever I bring up race, people immediately back away from the topic or hide their truths behind politically correct facades. I understand that it's a hot button issue for people and I really need to know more about this stuff! I was raised in a monoculture, where there were only two non-white girls in my whole year at school. I have no idea of the particular pressures, and therefore could blindly make things worse. Kimberly did help me see some small areas where I could make a difference - but only because we were all admitting to being clueless, not trying to portray an enlighted image.<br /><br />I strongly believe that the more emotion and charge attached to talking about something, anything, the more vital it is to talk about it. If we don't, it just festers, as assumptions grow unchecked and become dogma. The current inability to talk openly about racial issues gives us no opportunity to examine our prejudices and learn more useful ways of being and thinking. I am grateful for this rare chance to grow.<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted" rel="tag">gifted</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/race" rel="tag">race</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/SENG" rel="tag">SENG</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1154126009497977312006-07-28T14:59:00.000-07:002006-07-28T15:35:22.986-07:00The Magic LandI am back! I am ALIVE! It was an amazing experience....I'm still processing and recovering, because of the jet lag and the hugeness of it all.<br /><br />Ireland, and particularly Sligo, is beautiful - pictures don't do it justice, and everything you have heard about the magic and power of the place is true. There are rainbows daily and surprises around every corner. I climbed up lots of hills to meditate and felt the history of the place. I could have spent the whole week simply being there.<br /><br />As it was, this intense sense of place was vital to my ability to really connect with my mum. Making sure I supported myself with meditation, connection, and walking in such inspiring scenery gave me a new and limitless strength. It was great to really listen to her, to offer her all my love and vulnerability - and it had the most surprising effect of taking the emotional charge out of my reactions to her. Previously, I would spiral away from her into an old pattern of making up what she meant by what she said. This time, I checked in with her whenever her words or actions might have led me to create distance between us. Or, I simply heard her words and was able to choose not to react, but to come back to her with love.<br /><br />I feel as if I actually got to know my mother better, even though I feel certain that there is a whole part of her walled off, not just from me, but even from herself. I rediscovered that it is impossible to really love someone and wish that they would change; I knew this about romantic partners, but hadn't made the connection to family or the wider world. Accepting her just as she is, loving her madly and offering her everything I have, has changed our relationship and changed me. Standing in a place of unconditional love gives me unlimited strength and capacity. It is the key to everything! This is an ancient spiritual concept that I understand in a new, deeper, active way.<br /><br />I am in awe of the power of being open and paying attention and holding an intention. What an incredible gift this week was.<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/love" rel="tag">love</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Ireland" rel="tag">Ireland</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Sligo" rel="tag">Sligo</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1153278378058723782006-07-18T20:04:00.000-07:002006-07-18T20:06:18.080-07:00Off to DublinYes, just a quick wave goodbye....I'll be back in 10 days to continue my...er...stuff here on the blog. Going to Dublin to meet my mother and have some Conversation. My boyfriend is referring to it as the Dublin Summit. Wish me courage!jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1152994994433892062006-07-15T12:45:00.000-07:002006-07-15T13:47:26.286-07:00SENG Conference - Part 2I've opened the discussion on the bulletin boards, and so far only one person has posted, although 74 people have looked at it. The whole thing has been brewing for me, steeping in the background, distracting me. Finally I decided I had to do something more. I phoned the office and got the President's phone number and left her a message. There is an opportunity to make a real difference that I simply can't ignore.<br /><br />Anyway, to tell you a bit more about the conference - there was a vast amount of information-passing and data-sharing going on. I was surprised, because I assumed that the whole point of having the researcher right there in front of a room was to give interpretation of their findings. I wanted to know, OK, what might this mean, how can we apply that extrapolation in the real world, what else might we want to study about it? I wanted to debate, disagree, create, imagine, and dream with the expert and the other people in the room. Most people had a lot of slides and not much time for questions. We could all read the research, offline, in our own time. So just giving us the data again seems a bit pointless. But perhaps that's how they do it in academia.<br /><br />However, some data I simply had a hard time swallowing. I'm a coach; my training has taught me that no-one gets to be wrong. This principle that I hold so strongly was tested to the max at this conference. I heard a very well-respected keynote speaker say that there was no greater incidence of social or emotional problems among the gifted teenagers she studied than in the general population. All I can say is that gifted teenagers are masters at telling adults the answers they know they want to hear, and hiding their true feelings to protect the ones they love. This is also because they have been misunderstood or "helped" inappropriately so many times in the past that they no longer trust that any adult really knows what they are talking about. Their logical conclusion is that they must deal with their pain alone. It's sad, it's scary, and it's one reason why I do what I do - to reinforce their self-concept and to give them more tools to keep searching for what they need.<br /><br />Generally I felt that this minimization of emotional problems was inappropriate and unhelpful at a conference specifically dedicated to supporting the emotional needs of the gifted. I am confused about it and wonder why it happened. There were other sessions that were great, some that spoke to the reality of being gifted. However there were many that gave lists of things to do with gifted people to help them fit in better. I find the lists to be terribly dangerous. Gifted people are vibrantly unique and deserve to be treated that way. The reductionist approach is particularly damaging for people who are constantly in a process of growth and change. My guess is that it would not be tolerated for any other group of people, grouped racially, ethnically, or even those at the other end of the IQ scale.<br /><br />The mos surprising thing is, why is this happening at all? Why aren't the researchers and dedicated workers in the gifted world creating new and better ways to look at this population that can encompass their wholeness and individuality? Those taking a phenomenological approach are a tiny minority, one I wholeheartedly respect. I assumed that all the people drawn to this area are themselves gifted, but perhaps I am wrong. For me, working with gifted people means I need to remain constantly alert, flexible, and open to modifying any and all of my operating principles at any moment. It's the thing that makes it fun and keeps me engaged. I don't want to reduce it to a set of understandable "facts", ever. Part of the beauty of gifted people is their ability to see the big picture - the enormous, infinite picture. Let's use that as a starting point and see where it gets us.<br /><br />Stay tuned for part 3....<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/SENG" rel="tag">SENG</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/conference" rel="tag">conference</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted" rel="tag">gifted</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/phenomenology" rel="tag">phenomenology</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1152716355788262022006-07-12T07:55:00.000-07:002006-07-12T09:12:21.813-07:00SENG Conference - Part 1Back again from sunny California and just getting over the post-conference wilt. There's something about spending three days away from home in the company of many strangers at an academic conference that has reduced me to a piece of old lettuce. I haven't slept so much in ages, deep sleep that is thick and sticky when I try to climb out of it and actually do some work.<br /><br />This was my first academic conference as a presenter, and my first gifted conference - I have attended many software junkets before. It was a highly ironic experience and I'm still giggling about it at random moments. Despite this conference being specifically about Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted (SENG), the environment and program of the conference was the antithesis of everything the presenters were talking about!<br /><br />It was held in the Hilton Irvine, which while very nice, is right across the street from the airport (read: NOISY) and surrounded by other hotels. Lots of concrete and pavement and plants manicured within an inch of their lives. I was on foot and couldn't find any interesting restaurants or shops or museums anywhere nearby. I was almost in a state of sensory deprivation by the time I left - certainly cultural deprivation.<br /><br />In addition, the conference structure did not seem to take into account the increased sensitivity and predominantly introverted nature of the gifted population. There were several large meetings over meals that were very loud and confusing, as well as regular hotel lighting and the type of room where the temperature is difficult to moderate. I took a couple of long breaks to regain energy alone in my hotel room, but that also meant I had to miss something.<br /><br />I will be opening a discussion on this on the SENG message boards, as well as sharing my impressions here. The hope is that my perspective can add to the impact of this volunteer organization. There's a lot more to say....to be continued....<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/SENG" rel="tag">SENG</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/conference" rel="tag">conference</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted" rel="tag">gifted</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1152040589870156072006-07-04T11:24:00.000-07:002006-07-04T12:17:41.056-07:00I am a GeniusGreat news! I forwarded my book draft to a friend, a very particular and special friend who is a Doctor of Literature or something equally robust as well as a published author. She loved it! She thought it was powerful and special and it showed her a new perspective about herself. We both got quite emotional.<br /><br />Then she said it needed major reorganization and .... offered to help! I'm just thrilled beyond belief. This is major. Part of me was thinking that no-one would be interested in it, it would probably never see the light of day, even though the whole point of writing it was to spread my ideas and experience in my field. When I was writing it and banging my head against the wall on regular occassions, publication day seemed like an impossible dream. I had some lovely fantasies that people would seize on it with huge enthusiasm, but I found it quite easy to dismiss them as unrealistic. After all, I'm a brand new author.<br /><br />Having my erudite friend give it such a strong acknowledgement was quite overwhelming. To be validated like this is truly indescribable. If she likes it so much, I'm more inclined to think that I've really done something valuable here. I couldn't stop crying with happiness. So I went out and bought champagne and spent a whole day celebrating!<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/book" rel="tag">book</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/editor" rel="tag">editor</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/celebration" rel="tag">celebration</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1151861298777567792006-07-02T10:19:00.000-07:002006-07-04T12:23:57.250-07:00RealnessPerhaps it's because I have lived in two societies famous for their rectitude and politeness. Seeing people actually get angry is still a surprising novelty and always makes me very happy. When someone breaks through the social opprobrium attached to showing a real, true, emotional response, I am just totally thrilled for them.<br /><br />The first time is always the hardest. The first time I do it with a new social group, I'm always wondering, what will the reaction be? I'm often told that I'm just too much, and I don't think it's just because of the gifted piece. I'm sure this happens to lots of people, because of the rarity of real emotional behaviour. What is the big deal about being who we really are?<br /><br />I wish we could create a society that allowed everyone to just let it all hang out. On some level, I think we already have. People are rarely jailed for expressing themselves. Yet the old restrictions and conventions remain. Let's fight them with realness!<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/society" rel="tag">society</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted" rel="tag">gifted</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/emotion" rel="tag">emotion</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1151697847266361952006-06-30T13:03:00.000-07:002006-06-30T13:22:42.753-07:00Lavender's Reign of TirednessI've blogged about my fatigue gremlin/saboteur/shitty committee ruling before, <a href="http://overexcitable.blogspot.com/2005/10/gifted-and-delicate.html">in passing</a>. I like to call her Lavender, since (in my imaginary portrait of this part of myself) she wears a flowing mauve gown of some gauzy material that swirls around her romatically as she reclines, exhausted, on a chaise longue. Since the last retreat, I've realized that this particular gremlin is doing a lot more damage than just preventing me from going to Kinko's in a timely fashion.<br /><br />I get TIRED whenever I have to do something that I don't feel like doing. I think this is connected to my childhood, when I was very active and verbal, rarely sleeping and always challenging my parents. If I said that I was tired and needed a nap, I could get out of almost anything, they were so grateful for the break from my incessant questions. So I told my new coach, <a href="http://www.positivelyoutrageouswomen.com/">Zoey</a>, about this and asked her to call me on it if she ever saw any evidence of Lavender showing up.<br /><br />We had the most hilarious coaching session - Lavender appeared about 5 times in 45 minutes to block me from my goals. We were laughing about it, but it's actually quite serious. How many opportunities have I passed by because I "don't have the energy"? A sobering thought. And it makes me wonder about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.<br /><br />It’s jolly difficult to tell at the moment whether I am actually tired or whether my gremlin is active. It feels exactly the same. Today I am trying this tactic – is there another fun, non-challenging activity that I would like to do apart from sleep, like read my trashy novel? If so, it’s an avoidance thing. Seems to be working so far – right now, for instance!<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gremlin" rel="tag">gremlin</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" rel="tag">Chronic Fatigue Syndrome</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/coaching" rel="tag">coaching</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1151537563935995932006-06-28T16:19:00.000-07:002006-06-28T16:36:16.386-07:00Back AgainSo I returned, then disappeared again. Any of my readers who have issues around needing me to be predictable have probably decamped permanently by now. But for those of you who are still hanging out, chilling, I am back again for a week or so before my next excellent adventure.<br /><br />This time I was back on my leadership program, grooving with the Deer as we climbed enormous trees and yelled and cried and laughed and danced our way into a new understanding. This retreat was number 2 of 4, and focused on creating from other - very big learning curve for me.<br /><br />The way my dear friend Dr. Jane explained it to me, there is a theory of old-school group work that says the group will perform at a level slightly below that of the most competent member. Her suspicion was that I was often the most competent member, leading me to conclude quite logically that I could have done the whole project better by myself, a lot faster, and with a lot less hassle. The rest of the group would be happy and want to work with me again. I ran away as fast as I could from these people and started doing my own thing.<br /><br />The work we did at this retreat gave me a whole new perspective about groups and it is exciting the hell out of me. The structure made it abundantly clear, again and again, that I could go farther with someone else than I could by myself, farther than I even dreamed possible. This is what my coach meant by meeting people where they are. I finally got it. In order to find out where they are, I have to get over there with them, ignoring me for a while, because I know where I am. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone else!<br /><br />Mainly I want to point out that this is GOOD NEWS, especially because I have a big job to do, and it's going to get done much better and faster now that I can understand how to get help with it. On some level, my improv experience has taught me this before. But now I simply cannot ignore its application in my life. <br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/group work" rel="tag">group work</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/connecting" rel="tag">connecting</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1150498080190571162006-06-16T15:27:00.000-07:002006-06-16T15:50:17.373-07:00ConundrumI had a conversation with a coach that went like this:<br /><br />"How can I get them to really hear me, understand what I am trying to say from the heart about giftedness?"<br /><br />"It's easy. You just have to meet them where they are."<br /><br />It's been three months since that conversation and I'm still trying to figure out what she meant, and more importantly, how to start experimenting with the concept.<br /><br />Over the past year, I've been meeting people where they are by meeting them within the existing structures that are set up to serve gifted people. This has meant working with schools, parent associations, corporations, and self-selected groups of gifted adults. In order to get the concepts across to them, I've mastered their particular argot - the words and phrases that they are comfortable with, the workshop designs that fit into their schedules. It's been both fascinating and frustrating.<br /><br />I'm starting to wonder what it would be like for me to set up a new structure that really made sense to me, and hopefully by extension to other gifted people. I enjoy designing coaching relationships with single clients, but designing with an entire culture usually means that I am the one who has to do all the compromising. What if I could choose the cost and length and learning objectives of my own workshops? It would be great, but then how would I be meeting people where they are?<br /><br />It's got my brain tied up in knots. Usually I find the best thing to do with a block like this is put it on the back burner, meaning I push it to the back of my mind and let it bubble on its own for a while. Going at a problem more indirectly frees up my waking attention, and sometimes produces superior results. Let's hope this is one of those times!<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/thinking" rel="tag">thinking</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/coaching" rel="tag">coaching</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/workshops" rel="tag">workshops</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted" rel="tag">gifted</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1150317681386688992006-06-14T12:53:00.000-07:002006-06-14T13:54:35.816-07:00Procrastination ChickenRealized that I am becoming totally obsessed by the book! All I can think about is (say it out loud to yourself, you'll get the idea) "book, book, book, aaaahhhh, book, BOOK!" It's like there is a chicken living in my head. It has had the effect of getting me up to 44,000 words in 5 weeks, but I can't live like this any more!<br /><br />So that is why I hired myself a brand new fantastic coach, <a href="http://www.positivelyoutrageouswomen.com/">Zoey Ryan</a>, to kick myself back into gear with all the other fabulous things that I love to do - like write my blog. I really miss hearing the comments and feedback, good or bad, on what I'm up to. I also love to get out into the world and meet new people, sparking unexpected connections and ideas. If I'm a chicken, then focusing on the book as my single strategy to get my experience and passion out there into the world is really putting all my precious eggs in one basket.<br /><br />What has been happening is that I have used the book as a very sneaky type of procrastination strategy, as I realized when talking to Zoey today. It's easy to avoid doing anything when I am telling myself that as soon as I finish the book, things will magically change. I will become a world-recognized expert, instant riches will drop from the skies, I will be interviewed on Oprah, and I will feel like blogging again. I'm actually quite impressed with myself for coming up with something so creative. Clearly, I am also a gifted procrastinator. And in some ways, it's true - there is only so much typing a girl can do in one day. <br /><br />My favourite anti-procrastination strategy is pretty effective - all I have to do is think of something that needs doing (like cleaning, or accounting, or phoning my relatives) that I want to do even less than the thing I'm procrastinating about. In this case, the last thing I want to do is fail in a commitment I made to my brand new coach. The power of coaching, happening right before your eyes!<br /><br />It's good to be back.<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/writing" rel="tag">writing</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/coaching" rel="tag">coaching</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/procrastination" rel="tag">procrastination</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted" rel="tag">gifted</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1147464892804838932006-05-12T12:45:00.000-07:002006-05-12T13:16:03.226-07:00Getting over the HumpI've got a serious case of the afternoon blahs, when my body yells at me that it's time to take a nap RIGHT NOW. This is a very bad time to have a telephone conversation, as the person you are talking to will think that you are totally disinterested in them. Or so I just discovered.<br /><br />Anyway back to the point. I've just had a very busy week and managed to meet a challenge of 10,000 words on the book I'm writing. After celebrating this landmark last night (which may have something to do with the blahs) I started looking around on the internet to find out how many words there are in a regular-type non-fiction book. Imagine my devastation on discovering that the goal is 75,000! That's feeling like a LOT of words at the moment.<br /><br />It's not that I don't have that many words to say on this topic. I'm enjoying the writing very much as it is a chance to witter on endlessly about something I'm very passionate about. But I wonder if I can pare down that wittering into something tight and readable. Then I start second-guessing myself and thinking that I need to do more research and start citing famous people in the field. Then I stop writing and start worrying about getting it right.<br /><br />This is such a great time to do an improv show! I can't possibly get improv right, no matter what I do, and I need to bring that same experimental attitude back to my writing. So hopefully participating in the <a href="http://drama-education.com/improv/game_Micetro.html">Micetro</a> show at <a href="http://www.loosemoose.com/">Loose Moose</a> theatre tonight will be just what I need to get back in the zone. Yeah.<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/writing" rel="tag">writing</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/improv" rel="tag">improv</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1147140755019458352006-05-08T19:09:00.000-07:002006-05-08T19:23:34.140-07:00Another Conference!I'm thrilled to announce that I was selected from over 900 proposals (that's right, ***900***) to present at the <a href="http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=1357">National Association for Gifted Children's 2006 Conference</a> in Charlotte, North Carolina. It's wonderful to receive such great support from the big cheeses in the gifted world for the work I'm doing.<br /><br />In order to prepare for this and for the <a href="http://www.sengifted.org/conference_about.shtml">SENG conference</a>, I'm doing a lot of writing about why improv is such a great tool to use with gifted people in particular. It's interesting to sit down and actually write all the reasons out, dividing them into comprehensible chunks. The best thing about using improv is that it's so immersive, and I quite easily get totally lost in it. I'm having to further develop my self-observation skills!<br /><br />Lately I seem to be spending a huge amount of time writing. I love writing and it comes very easily, but I'm surprised that it has formed such a large part of my entrepreneurial experience to date. I guess that's one of the great joys of being in charge of my own journey - I get to do whatever comes naturally, whenever the opportunity presents itself. Dream on!<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/NAGC" rel="tag">NAGC</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted" rel="tag">gifted</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/improv" rel="tag">improv</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1145898138086642332006-04-24T09:59:00.001-07:002006-05-05T08:56:38.100-07:00Honey, I'm Home!The England Experience was, well, a huge learning experience. It's hard to get back into the swing of writing this blog. I haven't felt this fear of being exposed through the blog since I started it almost a year ago. Again, I have to go back to the reason I started - to share my experiences as a highly gifted adult. To be any use to anyone else, I must be honest.<br /><br />I went back to attend my mother's 60th birthday party. My wonderful man was truly amazing throughout and I saw the best of him while we were there. He knew how freaked out I was to be back in the old country, and he supported me with incredible kindness and grace. We had fun together and we had fun staying with my best friend. The family thing, however, was a different matter.<br /><br />My relationship with my parents is OK; we talk about the weather and what the family is up to and current events. There's lots of attempts to bond through gossip, and there's always some digging to get information about each other (they are divorced now), which can make it difficult to talk. There is still a part of me that wants that deep connection that I have been able to make with other adults in my life, but I am pretty resigned to that never happening between us. It's distressing to see that I make my parents so nervous. I guess I was a very scary child. Now that I'm an adult, though, I want to have an adult relationship, but the pattern is very strong and resistant to change.<br /><br />My goal at the moment is just to love them unconditionally, whether things get better, worse, or never change. This is harder than it sounds. They seem to push me away constantly and I'm starting to think this is because no-one has ever loved them that way before. If so, perhaps I was born into this particular family to bring that love to them.<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/parents" rel="tag">parents</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted adult" rel="tag">gifted adult</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/unconditional love" rel="tag">unconditional love</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1144324068564318192006-04-06T04:39:00.000-07:002006-04-06T04:47:48.643-07:00Can't SleepIt's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. Later today I fly back to England, scene of my youthful high jinks and lair of the strangest family on the planet - mine. From this bleary perspective, the trip feels like a big soul-sucking swirl of guilt and memories. However, this is the first time my wonderful boyfriend has ever been there, so I will attempt to immerse myself in his experience and maintain a strong stance of total denial about mine. It sounds plausible.<br /><br />I will be taking Bernard so hope to post some pictures when I get back. Until then, my lovelies!jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1144005089808130782006-04-02T11:40:00.000-07:002006-04-02T12:39:18.546-07:00The TribeA single gifted community hasn't formed naturally because gifted people are born into all kinds of families and situations all over the world. It's difficult to find us, because many of us are deep in hiding, especially as dependent children. In the fictional world of Harry Potter, British children with magical talent receive an acceptance letter to Hogwarts School. For some, this is the first idea they get that what is different about them might be valuable and wonderful. For others, it's a family norm. All are given the opportunity to meet others like them and really develop their specialness.<br /><br />I was born at this time in history to unite a tribe that has been long divided. GIFTED PEOPLE ARE DYING. This is urgent, and real. We've got to give up any defensive claims that gifted people don't need or deserve help. We've got to stop the turf wars over different conceptions of giftedness that dominate the academic and educational worlds. It's time to create a system that will hold all of us as our personalities disintegrate and reintegrate. This is the only way that we can grow into the higher levels that are the fullest expression of our intelligence and humanity.<br /><br />Gifted people must come together into a cohesive group so that we can begin to do all the things tribes do for their members - provide a community of acceptance, a safe home. Serve each other, protect ourselves, and mark milestones together. Care for the young ones and give them the training and tools they need in our particular society and in the societies around us. Celebrate and mourn, support and challenge. We now have the technology to fully meet this need.<br /><br />We must find a way to get an "acceptance letter" to every gifted person and invite them to join a strong, vibrant tradition of self development within the safety of a group that fully "gets it".<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/gifted" rel="tag">gifted</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/tribe" rel="tag">tribe</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Harry Potter" rel="tag">Harry Potter</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14491012.post-1143592929697808012006-03-28T15:59:00.000-08:002006-03-30T21:57:42.730-08:00Business BonfireAs promised, here's the story. At my coaching course, I got some fantastic coaching from my fellow students. In one especially great experience, my coach helped me get through a huge block that has plagued me since I began my business.<br /><br />I have always been excellent at following rules and making things work. I am very proficient at doing things efficiently and well. However, I don't enjoy it in the slightest. My favourite thing is making it up as I go along, relying on my ability and intuition, dancing in the moment with whatever comes up.<br /><br />So I start this great program designed to help me become a big success in my self-employment journey, and immediately get plunged into this strange world of sales and marketing and networking and taxes and policies and trademarks and....basically, plenty of things to DO. Doing all this made me feel very competant and on top of things. In fact, I searched the internet for even more information about what to do and how to do it well.<br /><br />Yet despite all I have done, I felt that I wasn't accomplishing much. It all seemed a bit empty and annoyingly corporate. I was able to see, through this inspired coaching, that it was because I was receiving advice focused on a goal that didn't interest me. I don't want my company to become the next McDonalds or IBM, and I certainly don't want to sell it off and make wads of cash.<br /><br />It became abundantly clear that I needed to make a strong stand rejecting other people's views on the "right way" to be an entrepreneur. So I bundled up all of the handouts and flyers and notes I had made and took them down to the beach and burnt them. It took a surprisingly long time, and it turned into a great meditation on trust and freedom. When I left, because it started to snow, I felt so much stronger.<br /><br />This is not to say that I don't need help; of course I do, and I ask for it all the time. But I need to trust my own instincts about what is important and take the next step that makes sense to me, even though it might appear crazy to a traditional business advisor.<br /><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/business" rel="tag">business</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/coaching" rel="tag">coaching</a> <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/doing/being" rel="tag">doing/being</a>jo_johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13577428029020772447noreply@blogger.com4