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Friday, June 30, 2006


Lavender's Reign of Tiredness

I've blogged about my fatigue gremlin/saboteur/shitty committee ruling before, in passing. I like to call her Lavender, since (in my imaginary portrait of this part of myself) she wears a flowing mauve gown of some gauzy material that swirls around her romatically as she reclines, exhausted, on a chaise longue. Since the last retreat, I've realized that this particular gremlin is doing a lot more damage than just preventing me from going to Kinko's in a timely fashion.

I get TIRED whenever I have to do something that I don't feel like doing. I think this is connected to my childhood, when I was very active and verbal, rarely sleeping and always challenging my parents. If I said that I was tired and needed a nap, I could get out of almost anything, they were so grateful for the break from my incessant questions. So I told my new coach, Zoey, about this and asked her to call me on it if she ever saw any evidence of Lavender showing up.

We had the most hilarious coaching session - Lavender appeared about 5 times in 45 minutes to block me from my goals. We were laughing about it, but it's actually quite serious. How many opportunities have I passed by because I "don't have the energy"? A sobering thought. And it makes me wonder about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

It’s jolly difficult to tell at the moment whether I am actually tired or whether my gremlin is active. It feels exactly the same. Today I am trying this tactic – is there another fun, non-challenging activity that I would like to do apart from sleep, like read my trashy novel? If so, it’s an avoidance thing. Seems to be working so far – right now, for instance!

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