Overexcitable

The England Experience was, well, a huge learning experience. It's hard to get back into the swing of writing this blog. I haven't felt this fear of being exposed through the blog since I started it almost a year ago. Again, I have to go back to the reason I started - to share my experiences as a highly gifted adult. To be any use to anyone else, I must be honest.

I went back to attend my mother's 60th birthday party. My wonderful man was truly amazing throughout and I saw the best of him while we were there. He knew how freaked out I was to be back in the old country, and he supported me with incredible kindness and grace. We had fun together and we had fun staying with my best friend. The family thing, however, was a different matter.

My relationship with my parents is OK; we talk about the weather and what the family is up to and current events. There's lots of attempts to bond through gossip, and there's always some digging to get information about each other (they are divorced now), which can make it difficult to talk. There is still a part of me that wants that deep connection that I have been able to make with other adults in my life, but I am pretty resigned to that never happening between us. It's distressing to see that I make my parents so nervous. I guess I was a very scary child. Now that I'm an adult, though, I want to have an adult relationship, but the pattern is very strong and resistant to change.

My goal at the moment is just to love them unconditionally, whether things get better, worse, or never change. This is harder than it sounds. They seem to push me away constantly and I'm starting to think this is because no-one has ever loved them that way before. If so, perhaps I was born into this particular family to bring that love to them.

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