Monday, April 24, 2006
Honey, I'm Home!
I went back to attend my mother's 60th birthday party. My wonderful man was truly amazing throughout and I saw the best of him while we were there. He knew how freaked out I was to be back in the old country, and he supported me with incredible kindness and grace. We had fun together and we had fun staying with my best friend. The family thing, however, was a different matter.
My relationship with my parents is OK; we talk about the weather and what the family is up to and current events. There's lots of attempts to bond through gossip, and there's always some digging to get information about each other (they are divorced now), which can make it difficult to talk. There is still a part of me that wants that deep connection that I have been able to make with other adults in my life, but I am pretty resigned to that never happening between us. It's distressing to see that I make my parents so nervous. I guess I was a very scary child. Now that I'm an adult, though, I want to have an adult relationship, but the pattern is very strong and resistant to change.
My goal at the moment is just to love them unconditionally, whether things get better, worse, or never change. This is harder than it sounds. They seem to push me away constantly and I'm starting to think this is because no-one has ever loved them that way before. If so, perhaps I was born into this particular family to bring that love to them.
Technorati tags: parents gifted adult unconditional love
I'm glad you're back. I looonnnggeedd for a long time for a better relationship with my mom. It's interesting that you said that you make your parents nervous. I was in a therapy session with my mom once and the therapist said to my mom that it must have been scary for her to have such a strong child. I hadn't pictured it that way at all, but I wonder if that is a common experience for gifted adults. My mom is actually a gifted adult herself, but I have more of the independant spirit.
Somehow I was able to let go of hoping for her to be the kind of mom I wanted just a couple summers ago. It was amazing. I stopped hurting around her. Since then, amazingly, I've been able to have a great relationship with her and actually feel lucky that she is my mom. She has changed and grown a lot since lately, which is a big factor in that progress as well.
I know sometimes you have to let go of your hopes, but I hope you get what you want with your parents.