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Monday, February 13, 2006


Gifted Love

Valentine's Day tomorrow - I won't be posting then because I've plans all day, so I'm sharing a few thoughts right now.

One of the largest complaints of the highly gifted adults I know is the difficulty of meeting potential partners who "get" them intellectually. The relative scarcity of gifted adults in the population makes it hard. The greater variability amongst gifted people makes it even harder. Many do place a high value on intellectual compatibility. So how do you meet someone right for you?

The greater sensitivity of many gifted people can make them ideal candidates for internet dating and email communication. Some research shows that introversion is more common amongst gifted people, so what could be better than a medium that doesn't have to involve the party scene? It is less stressful than initial face-to-face contact and both people have more control of their environment. In my opinion it's been a godsend for people in all kinds of subcultures looking for love.

However, there are plenty of other ways to find pockets of gifted people. Games clubs, special interest clubs, improv groups (!), and even clubs like Mensa are full of them. One straight gifted woman I know placed a personal ad in the classified section of her local newspaper that gave all the normal information, but tagged on the sentence "I'm probably smarter than you are. If you're not intimidated by this possibility, give me a call." She got a small selection of interesting men replying who she was quite happy to date.

For the gifted looking for long-term love, it's not a numbers game. It's more a question of finding a group of prospects in a setting that's comfortable. If you're a gifted person reading this, what techniques have worked for you? Let's share the love! Happy Valentine's Day!

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This is an interesting question. My husband and I are both gifted and have been married for more than 25 years. I'm not sure that we consciously sought out a "gifted mate." However, that being said, I can say that our marriage is characterized by some of the following elements. I'm not convinced these elements belong to gifted people alone, but they do represent us: shared basic values, shared sense of humor (real important!), intense curiosity about EVERYTHING and a passion for learning, openness to new possibilities, shared desire to analyze and discuss everything about us, tolerance for each other's perfectionist tendencies, shared appreciation and desire! for choices, and being alike enough to share some passions but different enough to fascinate each other.
nice post jo_jo,well said wordwalker
My husband and I are both gifted adults also. I think that university events (guest lectures, art exhibits, concerts)are another excellent and usually free place to meet people.
well i've met a lot of men on irc over the years but that pool has diminished and is no longer self selecting. also i don't have the time or the energy.

online dating is failing me again because i'm ridiculously smart and it's easy for slow people to fake quickness online. so they can seem really intelligent but not so much.

i think a lot of it is the over thirty factor. somehow it gets to be really hard to find dates then.

things that have worked in the past? nerd parties. college. the internet but not online personals. mutual nerdy friends. shared interest groups.

i'm worse i'm a gifted jock.
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